Long time no type, I've been busy planning.....

So, I'm sure my readership is down to nil, I've been busy working this 'World Domination' thing over in my head... here's what I've got so far:

Seems people think they rule the land, so I'll give a 'Good Job' to each and every one of my feline (and even canine) counterparts who have kept their/our identity hidden

We really need to look into making transport devices accessible to animals, not for riding, for moving about, this is a big place, it takes a long time walking to get places. Someone with outdoor contacts should look into the seizure of handicap-equipped vehicles so we can do some reverse engineering of how to move the controls to a better spot...

Lasers are cool! For those of you who have not trained your care-takers into getting you a laser pointer toy, you really should! I swear, when it comes on, even the 'click' sound that it makes turns me into a wide-eyed kitten, I can't help but chase it around, I can't ever catch it, but I just cannot stop myself from trying... We need the best and brightest to develop eye shields so that in the event that the humans try to use laser pointer devices to distract us from attaining our goal we'll be ready....

The Male has become enamored with his wood-box high frequency torture device again.. he makes the most horrendous high frequency squeals and squaks, I'd be willing to bet kibble that he doesn't even hear how bad it is... I really need to figure out how to put earplugs in.... He has also become obsessed with pubrocker.com . From what I can make of it it is a barely started web page with sub-par script and next to no content.. He talks about it a lot, I wonder when he will get off his butt and actually write something, anything worth reading on it... He is also delusional, he really thinks he can sing, I've heard hounds that had better pitch control.... but he sure can whistle..

I really should stay off the furninture when my staff are around, they seem to get frustrated when I clime on the speakers... But there is so much cool stuff up there, and I can knock it right off the top of the speakers and watch it fall down, and it makes noise, too! I hate the spray bottle that the Female uses to squirt me with when I get up and refuse, due to my obvious status in the food chain, why should I bend to her idea of heirarchy *oops, I'm breaking my cover*.....

Did I mention that I love the little laser frined my staff got for me? I wonder where he/she is, I'm going to go check now, and maybe climb up on something...

Stop the world! I said stop!

In case you are not as attuned to the goings-on in the world as my staff are, I would like to encourage any and all of you to check what they are feeding you. There has been an extensive recall of cat and dog foods. (So, since we all know that dogs cannot read, you cats may want to do a good turn to those dopey canines and check their food too.)

Fortunately, my slaves lucked out on this one. The kibble they foist upon me, while not up to my standards, is safe. Go to this site and check your food. You can never be too careful, as these humans are sneaky sneaky. At least, they try to be... poor stupid creatures.

I may benefit from this yet, though. I saw my female slave reading about cat food and writing down recipes. Perhaps I could slip in a few ingredients of my own. The only concern is that she will try to feed me that "toad food" crap she give my man slave. I shudder at the thought.

The thing to remember is that a little guilt goes a long way. Check your food, and if it is included in the recall, stop eating immediately. Use all your ninja powers to alert your staff to the problem. If your food is safe, you can still spin this, trust me. A couple sluggish mornings here, a few pathetic coughs there, and your staff will once again be dancing attendance to your every whim. Learn this well.

My days...

So I'm mostly over my fear of any kind of plan by my servants, but I do keep a closer eye on them now.... THis is how my days go:

THe Female servant leaves every day in the morning to get my affairs straightened out and to get me food, I then go to the manslave who is sometimes still asleep and try to use subliminal techniques to make him spill the beans, nothing, they must not have anything planned, I'm still gonna check tomorrow..... Talking about spilling the beans, I need to switch the manservant to dry food, he made big stinky last night that could have choked a cat, wait a minute, it did choke a cat... I'm feeling much better now, though...

I usually go to one of my many thrones that I have placed strategically around the castle, er, apartment, and get more sleep, a Queen can't have too much beauty sleep, and it deoes work, I'm gorgeous! I'm still using a part of my day to find my plans, no luck so far, but my servants still ahve a few boxes that aren't opened yet....

Some times I'll check up on the manslave, to make sure he is not doing anything suspicious, and to see if I can use my Canadian Ninja Mind Tricks to get him to give me more food than the female servant gave me, no bones, he's usually pretty hard to break...... More sleep....

In the afternoon the female returns with my goods, and feeds me again. After I have eaten to my liking I give my leftovers to my slaves, they appreciate the little things like that... THen I make sure I don't give them much time to conspire, I usually make sure I'm sitting extra pretty or cute, that keeps their attention on me (as it should be) and means that they won't be making plans against me....... When it is time for bed, I dismiss my servants and check out the perimiter (those slaves can't be trusted to do a thourough check, you know). Then I get more beauty sleep......

All Clear!

O.K., it seams that I may have overreacted lately.... Apparently Humans do this thing called 'Moving' where one day they pick up all their stuff and go to a new place. I've been told that humans tend to move to bigger places and to better places. I have had some time to check out the new 'hood, and I can definitely say this is an improvement! THis place has window sills that are big enough to play on!! I had to sit on a bedside table to look out the window at the old place. I've gotten used to the smells and surroundings. There are big monsters outside the windows some times, so I keep my Eyes open for them, but they only show uyp every once in a while.... usually accompanied with a lot of wind noise, strange, maybe they travel on the wind... anywho, life has become more 'normal', if you can call it that. THe one who calls himself 'Daddy' got this big boomy box that he insists on pounding away at for an hour every day, all sorts of booming and thumping and harsh overtones that I bet he can't hear, he even thinks this thing sounds good, just like the little brown box he wears some times and bangs away on, can't he hear those high notes, they drive me nuts!!! anywho, no more adventures for this cat, not for a while.. Now if I can only find where they've packed up my plans for global domination.....

Trauma Trauma Trauma

So my companions threw all of our stuff into the green transportation-particle accelerator and took it far away, then they took me far away, into this big place with lots of scary things... I hid for a few weeks trying to figure out just what was going on, but I still can't figure it out... One day, my manslave who calls himself 'daddy' moved my food dish from the safe room I had it in to the big room. I was terrified, was this some kind of sacrifice my slaves, er, companions were planning all along? was this the end for me? I hadn't been eating for days, trying to stay out of sight until I could figure out what their plan was, so when he put lots of food into the dish, I was torn... DO I DARE GO INTO THE BIG ROOM< OR DO I STARVE??? I couldn't resist it, I needed food if I was going to have to fight for my life. I carefully made my way to the food, ate some and then dashed away, I swear I saw one of them grabbing a knife or something. I'm so alone and scared, even my people have turned against me,.........

My butt Hurts!!

So I wake up yesterday morning, normal morning stuff. Mommy goes to work like always, and Daddy comes home after a walk and gets on the computer... So far nothing out of the oridnary. After Daddy gets himself cleaned up (finally) things started to get strange. Instead of putting things in boxes, as they have been doing for a few days, I'm put in to my box. Usually this means I've been bad, but not today! I was wisked away to the green transportation-particle accelerator. I thought to myself 'Finaly a chance to get the supplies I need to conquer the world' but no, after about 20 minutes of the Nasty Habits demo I was at the vets office.... Normlly I get stuck there, 'Maybe not this time, I've been good and healthy' I thought... "Ouch!" they stuck me twice, once in the right shoulder and once in the butt, right above my tail.... Today I feel queezy, I think they are on to my plan of world domination and are trying to drug me to sedate me, but my will is too strong, "you'll never find my secret hiding.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

WTF???

I don't know what's going on around here, but you can bet I won't like it.

Daddy came home with all sorts of boxes the other day. Finally!! They have decided to build be a castle!!

Wrong. Mommy kept filling them up and taping them shut. I don't get it-- every time I found a new space to curl up, she would pick me up and move me to the couch. They are sooo difficult to train, I should have found smarter people.

Well, I should go, Daddy is looking for me.

My Story

SO I was born to an irresponsible mother, O.K.?! We were on our own, nothing to eat, no shelter, I was the smallest so most of the time I didn't get any food either... Man was it tough!! A few days into it these two ladies see me foraging for scraps and haul me off in a box... The one lady keeps putting her fingers in the box, making stupid baby talk to me, I meowed, it seemed to make her feel better and I was really scared, and hungry... We all got into a big white box and it shook around a lot, I think it was some sort of particle-accelerated transportation device... anyways, so we end up in this really strange looking part of the city, there are brightly colored things everywhere, lots of noises, smells, more people.... I'm pulled out of my box by one of the ladies 'Ah crap, they're trying to sell me' I thought, but no, this was a place for cats to go and find bigger houses to rule.... I put my 'big blues' on for this couple that was looking at cats.. "Got HIm!!!' they worked, the man is like a puddle of JELLO on the floor and I am the spoon, I've got him asking her to take me home, she says no at first, she wanted an older cat, she picks me up, time for the 'Cuddle Bug' move, always gets them on my side!! They're taking me all over this city, getting supplies for something, man am I hungry.... Into another transporter device, strange people they are, they sit there and stare at me for hours, 'Oh Yeah, like I want to play with that colorful string, great' I want to eat, 'Ahh, Food!!!' Man this one's going to be easy!!!